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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – Enough already. I know French women don’t get fat. Every woman has heard this saying as well as seen the book in bookstores. They eat rich creamy foods and drink gallons of wine, yet they stay slim and trim. I don’t doubt it since they also walk everywhere. I am from Italy and go back frequently. I also make day trips to France and I get to watch and observe these women. If the Italians could say we don’t get fat either, we would. We eat rich food and drink wine, but our bodies (all except mine) are more voluptuous. The French women are built differently.
I was watching a program that featured the author of “What French Women Know: about Love, Sex and Matters of the Heart and Mind” — a long title and one that carries a lot of weight with women. The author wants us to know that French women feel better about their bodies then American women. They understand that smart is sexy so they don’t put as much pressure on themselves to have the perfect body. The body is the vehicle they use to express their sexuality. American women don’t see our bodies as the vehicle for sex, rather we see our bodies as being the sex. This puts incredible pressure on us, especially when most men just want us to be naked. We have a hang-up with our nakedness so we are never really comfortable in our own skin.
The French author went on to say that French women don’t grow up needing to be liked. In America, she believes girls grow up with intense pressure to be liked. Of course we do! It is basically taught in the schools. I believe it is taught to boys too, but they don’t get ostracized as much for not learning it. Girls are actually talked about and shunned if they aren’t liked. This makes girls more timid in relationships. It creates an atmosphere of trying to get the boy to like us. Is it any wonder that when girls were surveyed as to why they had sex at 13 or 14 their answer was so much different than boy? Boys said, “because they knew it would feel good and they wanted to” while girls said, “so they wouldn’t lose the approval of their boyfriends.”
In France the relationships are more “experience driven” than goal driven. In France there is not an emphasis on where the relationship is going; they don’t care where it’s going—they rather live it and experience it. Most women who bring a man into my office for counseling are there for one reason: to figure out where the relationship is going. They have to know, because there is a sense of a “goal” and if they are not reaching for their goal they believe they are wasting their time.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, the French culture is not as child-centered as the American Culture. In other words, in America kids run the show. Most of the kids who have the most emotional problems come from families where there is little balance and too much dramatizing childhood events. I don’t have to drive more than a block in my neighborhood to see birthday parties for 5 year olds that hire a circus to come and perform. How does this affect the child? He thinks he runs the family (and it is sadly true).In France you will still see mom and dad running the family. They have locks on their bedrooms and cafe together in the morning while the kids fend for themselves. Their kids grow up knowing they are an important part of a family, but not the center.
I think this author has made accurate and useful observations. We are not French and there are many things I don’t admire about the French that I do admire about Americans. But the French seem to know what they are doing in regards to managing their weight and their views on love, sex, and the heart.
For more information go to: Mary Jo Rapini
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine which completed season one and two. She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, Women’s Health, First, and Seventeen magazine. Mary Jo has a syndicated column (Note to Self) in the Houston Chronicle, is a contributing columnist to HealthNewsDigest.com and “Ask Mary Jo” in Houston Family Magazine. She is an intimacy and sex counselor, and specializes in empowering relationships. She has worked with the Pelvic restorative center at Methodist Hospital since 2007.
Mary Jo is a popular speaker across the nation, with multiple repeat requests to serve as key-note speaker for national conferences. Her dynamic style is particularly engaging for those dealing with intimacy issues and relationship challenges, or those simply hanging on to unasked questions about sex in relationships. She was recently a major participant in a symposium for young girls dealing with body image and helping girls become strong women. Rapini is the author of Is God Pink? Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever. She has appeared on television programs including Montel, Fox Morning News and various Houston television and radio programs. Keep up with the latest advice at http://maryjorapini.com
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