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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – I have heard every reason for why marriages fail. Reasons vary from “you were too young”, “your partner smoked”, or “your partner was a slob”. There are thousands of reasons and all of them hurt when it means the death of a relationship. If we knew what to avoid maybe we could prevent divorce. Maybe if we talked about these issues prior to marriage they would not cause problems after we were married. There is so much focus on the wedding and not enough on the marriage.
According to a recent study led by Rebecca Kippen and Bruce Chapman, there are eight top reasons marriages fail. These two researchers tracked 2,500 married and cohabiting couples from 2001 to 2007 to find and identify factors that are most likely to sever relationships.
Eight top reasons marriages or partnerships fail
1. When a man is nine or more years older than his wife they are twice as likely to get divorced, compared with couples who are closer in age. This is probably due to the likelihood of there being a generational gap.
2. Men who marry before the age of 25 years are twice as likely to get divorced than men who marry at an older age.
3. 20% of couples who have children before they marry (either from the same relationship or a previous relationship) divorce or separate. This is compared to 9% of couples who wait to have children until after they are married. Kids are stressful and couples need a strong foundation before having children.
4. If the woman wants to have a child much more than her partner there is a higher incident of divorce.
5. 16% of couples whose parents separated or divorced experience marital separation themselves. This is compared to ten percent of those whose parents did not separate or divorce. Divorce and separation does run in families.
6. When one partner has been married a second or third time the couple is 90% more likely to separate or divorce than couples who are both in their first marriage. Once you know how to divorce or separate it doesn’t seem as big of a deal. You seem to get frustrated and leave the marriage instead of work on it.
7. 16% of couples who identified themselves as “poor” or if the husband was unemployed ended up separating or divorcing, compared with only 9% of couples who were financially healthy. Interestingly enough the wife’s employment status did not affect the stability of the marriage.
8. When one but not the other partner smoked, the marriage was more likely to end in a divorce. If both partners smoked there was no increase of divorce (the study did not measure chance of lung cancer though).
Go through this list. If you see one or two that you and your partner share, talk about it. Divorce doesn’t happen because you bring issues up. Divorce happens because you quit talking and listening to each other. Divorce happens because one or both partners no longer knows how to feel connected with their partner and feels angry, worthless, jealous, and unloved.
For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
http://maryjo.mymethodistblog.com/
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine which completed season one and two. She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, Women’s Health, First, and Seventeen magazine. Mary Jo has a syndicated column (Note to Self) in the Houston Chronicle, is a Love/Relationsips columnist to HealthNewsDigest.com and “Ask Mary Jo” in Houston Family Magazine. She is an intimacy and sex counselor, and specializes in empowering relationships. She has worked with the Pelvic restorative center at Methodist Hospital since 2007.
Mary Jo is a popular speaker across the nation, with multiple repeat requests to serve as key-note speaker for national conferences. Her dynamic style is particularly engaging for those dealing with intimacy issues and relationship challenges, or those simply hanging on to unasked questions about sex in relationships. She was recently a major participant in a symposium for young girls dealing with body image and helping girls become strong women. Rapini is the author of Is God Pink? Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever. She has appeared on television programs including Montel, Fox Morning News and various Houston television and radio programs. Keep up with the latest advice at http://maryjorapini.com
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