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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – Most of my friends who aren’t married are currently dating on-line. They love it and they get a lot of dating experience. We talk about it at work and hear about the men and women my friends end up meeting. I hear some ridiculous stories about individuals that spend the whole date talking about their pet parrot or how all men are jerks. However, some of these stories are more sad when the girl or guy photo-shopped their photo so much that my friend didn’t recognize them when they met. I kept thinking about how embarrassed the date must have been when she saw the look on my friend’s face. Dating online gives a person an easier opportunity to lie or cheat, so these behaviors are more frequent. Since you cannot see the person you don’t have the normal cues that usually help guide your decisions. Below are a few suggestions and red flags to look for when online dating. This list is not complete because I date online vicariously, so if you have some tips please add them to help protect others.
Tips for Online Dating
1. Stay Anonymous with your user name, personal information and phone number. You and only you should decide when you are comfortable giving this information out. Remember once it is out there the other person can harass you or pressure you until you get together with them. If you don’t know this person enough to trust them, DON’T.
2. Be cautious in making decisions. The same behaviors that work well for physical dating are valuable with online dating. Don’t move to fast…one conversation is not enough to say I love you.
3. Look at several different photos of the person. Who are they with, is anyone cut out of the photo? Has it been photo- shopped? Why? Ask questions. I would like to say it doesn’t matter what you look like, but that would be a lie. Most people cannot trust someone until they see their photo.
4. Talk to the person on the phone at least once before you meet them (hopefully more than once). A voice tells you a lot more about the person. Online dating is a little bit like putting a puzzle together. The pieces of a person’s life should make sense when you see them together.
5. One of the greatest assets of on line dating is you can take your time to meet. Make sure when you decide you to meet you are at a public place. Tell your best friend or several people where you are going and the person’s name and phone number. Trust your gut when you see the person. You can always back out at the last minute. If the person tries to pressure you or argues with you in any way about meeting you that is a red flag. Do not go.
6. Always take yourself to the meeting place. Never let them pick you up and don’t have someone drop you off unless they can come at any time to pick you up. This is setting you up to be vulnerable and this is not the time to be vulnerable. If you are meeting someone from another city, state or country make your own travel plans. Do not tell the person where you are staying or any of your travel details. Have a set meeting place in mind and meet them there at a set time.
7. At any time if you feel you are unsafe with this person call the police. They will give you counsel in regards to what you should do. A patient of mine decided to meet someone they met online in Colorado. She became frightened after dinner because she went to his place and he wanted to have sex. Of course the guy was also into asphyxiation and almost killed her. She told me she felt a bad feeling in her gut when she met the guy, but did not honor it.
Online is a good way to meet potential dates. If you are careful and take your time you can find interesting people who will add value to your life. However, bad experiences do happen to people who are reckless and gullible with their privacy.
For more information go to: Mary Jo Rapini
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine which completed season one and two. She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, Women’s Health, First, and Seventeen magazines. In 2010 Mary Jo will be a contributing expert for Redbook and Self Magazine “Love and Relationship” section. Mary Jo is a “City Bright” writer for the Houston Chronicle, and is a contributing columnist to HealthNewsDigest.com and “Ask Mary Jo” in Houston Family Magazine. She is an intimacy and sex counselor, and specializes in empowering relationships. She has worked with the Pelvic restorative center at Methodist Hospital since 2007 in conjunction with the Methodist Weight Management Center since 2005.
Mary Jo is a popular speaker across the nation, with multiple repeat requests to serve as key-note speaker for national conferences. Her dynamic style is particularly engaging for those dealing with intimacy issues and relationship challenges, or those simply hanging on to unasked questions about sex in relationships. She was recently a major participant in a symposium for young girls dealing with body image and helping girls become strong women. Rapini is the author of Is God Pink? Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever. She has appeared on television programs including CBS up to the Minute, Montel, Fox National Morning News and various Houston television and radio programs. Keep up with the latest advice at http://www.maryjorapini.com
Mary Jo Rapini
http://maryjo.mymethodistblog.com/
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