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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – Clare came into my office last week. She has been “broken up” with Ken for two months. She misses him and she is the one that initiated the break up, but Ken calls her every night to tell her goodnight. She doesn’t love Ken anymore, but she did at one time. Ken doesn’t call to have sex; he calls because he is lost without her and is afraid to be on his own. Clare feels a sense of responsibility because she did cause the break up, and she feels Ken is still fragile. She is concerned he will fall apart over the Holidays.
The holidays make breaking up more difficult because there are so many questions you must ask yourself prior to breaking up during this time. Questions like: Do you wait until they possibly give you an expensive gift? If so, won’t that make you look bad if you break up a couple of days after that? What will your parents say? What will your soon to be ex’s parents say? How will your ex feel if they got you an expensive gift? Should you give it back? What if the plans were to spend the holidays with the ex’s parents? Should you just wait until after New Years? Then what about Valentines’ Day? There is no easy way of breaking up. If you had the foresight to see it coming you could have done it before Halloween.
How to Breakup and survive being broken up with over the Holidays.
The best way to break up with someone is to write down what this person has given you during the relationship. This doesn’t include the material items, but does include the feelings, emotions and lessons you learned about life and yourself. Did this person make you feel special? Did they teach you what you could and could not live with? Did they teach you the extent of your patience? How about anger? Did they teach you how you handle anger, and do you handle it effectively? Breaking up with someone to whom you were close, is a very important crossing. It is as important as the lust and love that brought you together so handle it with dignity and grace. Tell them, directly that you are not prepared, equipped or able to deal with certain aspects of how the two of you communicate. Tell them why you cannot continue, what it does to you, and what you believe it is doing to them. Then end it. End it directly, not vaguely. Tell them you are grateful for the time and effort they gave the relationship.
If you are the one hearing this or the one being “dumped” here are some quick tips for you.
1. Surround yourself with friends and family. A relationship takes the majority of your time, and the holidays are a terrible time to be alone. Family and friends can remind you why you are so loved and they can help you see realistically that this break-up was necessary. They also join you in berating your ex if that is what you need to heal.
2. Participate in family traditions. Your ex was important to you, but your family still loves you best. There is comfort in family traditions even if Midnight Mass and the nutcracker ballet are boring to you, they bring a sense of togetherness and love that you need right now.
3. Pamper yourself. Get a facial, get a massage, or buy a new sports coat. Do something for yourself that makes you feel attractive and nurtured.
4. Identify at least one person (I have a list of thousands if you need it) who are worse off than you. Try to do something kind for someone else. Yes, someone dumped you, but you cannot know what life has in store, nor can you see at this point how that may have been a blessing.
5. Avoid your ex. Stay away from parties, face book, twitter, or any other social networking place where your ex may be. Take them off your phone address also. A drunk dial or booty call will not bring them back, and it will only add to the loneliness you feel right now.
Everyone gets their heart broken. It makes most of us a better, more empathic person and we learn to appreciate those who are honest and love us. Have faith, keep your honor, and who knows, some day you may thank your ex for ending your relationship over the Holidays (Valentine’s Day is right around the Corner).
For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Mary Jo Rapini
http://maryjo.mymethodistblog.com/
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