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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – In the New York Times Sunday morning Bruce Feiler wrote an interesting article about couples who sleep together. His research showed that nearly one in four American couples sleep in separate bedrooms or beds, the National Sleep Foundation reported in a 2005 survey. Recent studies in England and Japan have found similar results. And the National Association of Home Builders says it expects 60 percent of custom homes to have dual master bedrooms by 2015. Bruce went on to say that Hollywood coupes like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt recently were quoted as saying they sleep in separate rooms. It appears that the marital bed once being the symbol of American matrimony is now being replaced with each spouse having their own bedroom as well as their own bed.
A sleep specialist quoted in the article (Dr. Meir Kryger) believes people are making their own sleep a priority and that they have become annoyed with their spouse’s sleep apnea, snoring, restless leg syndrome and each other’s use of technology (Blackberries, phones, and computers) in the bedroom. The attitude shift that you no longer value your sleeping with your partner in the same bed as much as you value your own room, bed and space represents a different and more self-centered focus with married spouses.
This would all be fine (according to Bruce Feiler), just another example of how modern life has managed to overrun the institutions once used to contain it, if it weren’t that the bed is the one place where couples spend most of their time together. He goes on to say that in an age when partners no longer eat together, exercise together or pray together, sleeping together may be the last bastion of togetherness in American relationships.
As a relationship counselor I love what Mr. Feiler is saying to us. He is right on with the importance of the marital bed. Not only do couples who sleep together share more intimacy, but they also have better health. In a society where we are all aging it is comforting to have someone next to you especially on those nights you don’t feel well and need extra care. If an intruder breaks into my home at night I don’t want to be in my own bedroom and bed. I am much less afraid if my husband is in the bed with me (even though I am the better fighter).
If your bedroom has become an office and you miss the old days when it used to symbolize a vital, sensual place where you shared intimacy with your spouse here are a few ideas to make it look like your marital bedroom again.
1. Change the comforter and add huge billowy pillows. (These not only look good but they make intimacy more of a challenge with more positions available).
2. Change the paint. If you have a dark dreary bedroom a fresh coat of paint is cheap and makes your mood change (my brother has deer heads mounted on his wall…what is he thinking)?
3. Add fresh flowers. Flowers bring cheer and happiness to the bedroom and smell nice. Smells are very important for women and men who want to share intimacy.
4. No computers in the bedroom. A T.V. is nice if you are going to watch a movie together, but outside of that spend your time with your partner before you close your eyes.
5. Get a mattress to help with snoring. If you get a mattress that has a remote you can raise the head of the bed of your snorer while you lie next to them and get a good night’s sleep. If your partner has sleep apnea this is a serious situation and they may need you to wake them up to breathe. How will you do that if you are in your own bedroom and bed?
It’s not just face creams that do work at night. Your body makes changes at a cellular level. Research supports that sleeping with your spouse is better for your heart, mind, and spirit. I have never believed you have to make up with your partner before you go to bed, but I do believe that even if you are mad at them you should sleep with them. Lying next to someone, knowing they are your partner is healing in and of itself. If you wake up still angry with them you have all day to hash it out. If you need a room of your own, invent a hobby room where you create, or work on your own interests, but sleep with your spouse in the marital bed. –Mary Jo Rapini
For more information go to: Mary Jo Rapini
Twitter.Com:@maryjorapini
Watch for Mary Jo on Thursday mornings on Fox 26 at 9a.m. (Houston, Tex) for “Body, Mind, and Soul with Mary Jo”. Get real relationship answers to your real relationship questions.
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