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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – It’s October, and there are Halloween masks everywhere! Children, moms and dads are getting in the act. Everyone wants a mask to wear and a chance to be someone they aren’t. In life, we all wear a “mask” of sorts. We act happy when we are sad, or we act calm when we are seething inside. We may do this because of the social pressure to conform or to prevent losing the person we are with. We are all insecure about something. In life, things happen that make us feel shameful or resentful. When we develop a meaningful relationship, one of our greatest fears is taking the mask off and becoming real. However, it feels so good when you don’t have to pretend to be something you are not. That good feeling comes from feeling loved, even though a person knows our bad or weak points. We trust and learn that this person can love us, even though we aren’t perfect. Everyone needs this, and the human spirit thrives on it.
What if the person you love most tells you something and you cannot continue to love them? What if you are stuck and cannot forgive them? Must they keep their mask on for you? What if you wore a mask of shame? Would you want the person you loved most to insist you keep your mask on? Here are a few tips to encourage you to help your partner take their mask off:
1. Remember that forgiveness does not mean you condone what was done.
2. Write down everything you feel about what happened and also what your partner is asking you to forgive.
3. Write down a time (or two) that you needed forgiveness for an act you committed that you regret.
4. Write down how you felt when someone forgave you for something you thought was shameful.
5. Think about what kind of a life you would have if you didn’t forgive this person. Will they continue to hurt? Will you continue to hurt? Is your reluctance to forgive worth the price?
6. Be human; tell this person how what they did has affected you. Also tell them what it will mean for you if you don’t forgive them.
7. When we tell someone a truth that we feel badly about, we tell them because we trust them with our shameful side. It takes a lot of grace to be the person who is trusted with the vulnerability of another.
This Halloween, thank your partner for being the person who is able to love you without your mask. Practice being that person for your partner too! -Mary Jo Rapini
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