The holidays are right around the corner so stress-proof your teen by talking now.
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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – The holidays can be the best times of the year. You get to see Grandma and Grandpa, mom and dad, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews and old friends. You’ll be sharing dinner, talking about the old days, and decorating cookies; it sounds like a greeting card. It sounds wonderful, and you are excited to have everyone at your house. That is, until you tell your teen and they scrunch their face up and say, “Oh no, not Aunt June and Uncle Bob. Do I have to give my room up again?” You dread telling your team because you know having the family over is not half as bad as your teen’s reaction to giving up their room.
The holidays can be a stressful time for teens. They are stressed about buying their friends gifts, being away from their friends, the lack of structure, and seeing family that they have not seen for a while. Having extended family around also makes their mom and dad act differently. Teens may notice mom and dad acting more frazzled. Retreating to their own room is one way teens relax, but if they no longer have that ability, it is wise to help them prepare for the company.
Small children enjoy leaving their rooms and having a new bed or surrounding. Mom and dad can make this exciting by creating a “theme” for their young child, such as a jungle theme with jungle sheets to go over a sofa or air mattress. Small children like the additional attention they get from being in a sleeping area close to where adults are.
Gentle ways to make help your teen feel less stressed:
1. Teenagers need privacy and feel resentful if they are moved hastily. Begin planning for company one month prior to their arrival. Ask the teen what should be off limits for the guests. Certain books, magazines, and letters can be stored in a private place. A reading light, books, or journals should be moved to wherever your teen will be sleeping. Teens may feel shy around company they haven’t seen for sometime, or they may be self conscious regarding their changing body. Relocating your teen to a space with a door and lock is optimal. Make a pact with your teen; tell them that visiting time is important, but they may retreat to their own space after spending time with their relatives.
2. Parents get busy with company and festivities. They often forget that their teen may become anxious or depressed without their friends and regular school structure. If you have extra time, ask your teen to get up early with you to go for coffee before anyone else wakes up. This makes your teen feel special and also helps them realize that your time together is still important. It is a time you can explain some of your relatives to your teens, and don’t forget to listen to your teen’s insight about the relatives. When teens understand family dynamics, they are more forgiving and helpful. Tell your teen that you really need their help to make this a special holiday. Teens want to please their parents. When you ask for help, you are basically telling them, “I trust you, and I want to show my family what a great child I have.”
3. Lastly, before your company comes, sit down with your children and write three to five expectations you have for them (kids cannot read your mind). This is a good time to delegate chores so everyone has a job to contribute. Suggest to your children that when everyone leaves happy, you will have time to celebrate them (the children). Allow each child to invite one or two friends over for a holiday sleep-over. This helps each child celebrate with their parents and family, knowing the same respect will be given for them to celebrate with their friends.
Your children won’t remember who ate too much or what the dessert was each holiday. What they will remember is how you made them feel special. They will remember the little things you did to try and make it the best holiday. I have had teens tell me that their parents made room dividers out of cardboard boxes so they could have privacy or that their parents were sensitive to Aunt Jo’s snoring not being too close to them. No teen wants to give up their room, but they will if they know mom and dad love them and appreciate their willingness.
-Mary Jo Rapini
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Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine which completed season one and two. She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, Women’s Health, First, and Seventeen magazine. Mary Jo has a syndicated column (Note to Self) in the Houston Chronicle, is a Love/Relationships columnist to HealthNewsDigest.com and “Ask Mary Jo” in Houston Family Magazine. She is an intimacy and sex counselor, and specializes in empowering relationships. She has worked with the Pelvic restorative center at Methodist Hospital since 2007.
Mary Jo is a popular speaker across the nation, with multiple repeat requests to serve as key-note speaker for national conferences. Her dynamic style is particularly engaging for those dealing with intimacy issues and relationship challenges, or those simply hanging on to unasked questions about sex in relationships. She was recently a major participant in a symposium for young girls dealing with body image and helping girls become strong women. Rapini is the author of Is God Pink? Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever. She has appeared on television programs including Montel, Fox Morning News and various Houston television and radio programs. Keep up with the latest advice at http://maryjorapini.com
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