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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – I read a disturbing article in the Houston Chronicle, and I am hearing about it from other Psychotherapists, Psychologists and Pediatricians. Our girls are acting out, filming it and putting it up on You Tube. Oh yes, and it is getting a lot of attention. The girls are punching, hitting, cursing, pinching, and slapping each other to the ground. The crowd is cheering them on. The crowd is mostly made up with teens, but there are also adults. The health care community understands these girls come from homes where they feel neglected, isolated, abused, and the treatment they receive in these brawls is most likely not any worse than what they receive at home. According to a probation officer in Beaumont, Texas (Lashea Sowell) parents are being urged to monitor their children’s online postings since these brawls have become an epidemic of sorts. Sowell also went on to say the fights are the girls’ way of getting someone to notice and love them and they don’t care if it’s positive or negative.
What are we doing to our girls? Clothing companies making padded bras for eight year olds, parent’s buying girls shirts that expose their midriff, and allowing their girls to address them with abusive language. Do parents listen when schools are saying the majority of the classroom time is used to deal with children who haven’t been parented? Do parents understand that society is trying to sexualize youth (especially our girls?) We all grew up with “bad TV”, but neither I nor anyone I know grew up with shows like MTV’s Skins. A British writer-producer, Bryan Elsley who is 49 years of age and his son Jamie Brittain who is 25 are the masterminds behind this show depicting sex as a mechanical activity. As Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, director of the Institute for Sex Therapy notes, the attitude in the show equates sex with skateboarding. The sex is casual and never once addresses the emotional aspect of sex, nor the consequences of hurting someone, or being hurt with sex. Parents don’t want to talk to their children about sex, or aren’t comfortable talking about it, so the kids turn to TV and media on the Internet to learn. Our kids are learning, but they are not learning intimacy, bonding or responsibility. Kids are turning to “virtual friends” to talk over issues that they aren’t comfortable talking to parents about. These issues range from suicide to bullying. Children no longer feel safe in their home and many of them are not. We have gone from a generation of parents trying to be their child’s friend, to a generation of parents who are unaware of what their children are being exposed to in their own home while the parent’s are working or sleeping. This issue is not going to go away, unless parents change the way they are parenting.
According to True Care a provider of Internet monitoring for parents, the word “HATE” was the word that generated the most parental alerts. This word became powerful after several bullying incidences as well as suicides. There were other words that the monitoring system alerted parents in regards to. Mostly due to the consequences of teens acting out after these words were written. Below are the top 22 internet alert words identified by a notable monitoring company.
1. HATE (bullying/racism)
2. PARTY (alcohol/drugs)
3. STUPID (bullying)
4. UGLY (bullying)
5. X (alcohol/drugs)
6. DAMN (bullying)
7. KILL (bullying/racism)
8. FIRE (drugs)
9. A** (bullying/racism)
10. TREES (drugs)
11. SH*T (drugs/bullying/racism)
12. BUSTED (drugs)
13. FREAK (bullying)
14. POSER (bullying)
15. DRINK (alcohol/drugs
16. ICE (drugs)
17. LOVE (sex)
18. BITCH (bullying)
19. LOSER (bullying)
20. MONKEY (sex/bullying)
21. HOMO (bullying)
22. SEX (sex)
It is sad to think we live in a time where you need to have your child’s computer, phone, twitter account and social network page monitored. Sadder to imagine something happened to your child because you didn’t have them monitored and you weren’t aware of what was going on in their life. I believe the best approach is talking with your children. Not once a week, but every day. Having them share their passwords with you, as well as showing you the sites they visit. Talk to your kids about sex. The best sex educator is you. Don’t leave it to shows like MTV’s Skins to teach your child what sex is. Watch a movie or show with your child and dialogue what you think and feel and listen to them when they tell you how they feel. I don’t remember a time when I have known so many great kids. They are our future and our hope. Keep them safe, keep them engaged in your family, let them know that they are essential to the world becoming a better place. –Mary Jo Rapini
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine . She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, Women’s Health, First, and Seventeen magazine. Mary Jo has a syndicated column (Note to Self) in the Houston Chronicle, is a Love/Relationships columnist to HealthNewsDigest.com and “Ask Mary Jo” in Houston Family Magazine.
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