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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – We have all gone through a lengthy recession. Business is beginning to pick up, more people are working, but we aren’t out of the woods yet. Couples continue struggling with the financial stressors-higher food costs, higher gas prices, and dual incomes becoming single household incomes with unemployment. Forbes Woman and the National Endowment for Financial Education (NEFE) surveyed 2,019 adults from December 17th through December 21st of 2010 and found big money crimes among marriages. The leading money crimes were hiding cash, as well as minor purchases and bills. A significant number of people admitted to hiding major purchases and keeping a secret bank account. There was also lying about debt and earnings. One in three Americans (31%) said they had been deceived (cheated on) by their partner in regards to money. Also consider those that cheat with a lover. There are numerous ways to cheat involving internet chatting, texting, emotional affairs, and physical affairs, and the statistics I have seen reported in most of my marital journals is 41%. That’s a lot of cheating going on with love and money. Would you rather be cheated on with love or money? Both are bad; most of us would choose neither, but when it happens to you, you aren’t given a choice. If you are cheated on with love, it is easier to get out of the marriage or leave your partner than if they cheated on you with money. With money you may be far in debt by the time you are aware that something is going on, and you own half of the debt if you are married to your partner. It is easier to catch a lying spouse who has a lover than it is to catch one who has a secret bank account where they are stashing your money. What are warning signs that your spouse is lying about money to you?
According to Ted Massaro of M Financial Planning Service, there are three main ways you will know if your spouse is cheating with their wallet:
1. When your partner is doing something they don’t want you to see, they hide it and freak out if it looks like you may catch them. If you have always opened or picked up your partner’s mail in the past and all of a sudden they are scrambling to prevent that from happening, be suspicious.
2. If, all of a sudden, your partner doesn’t show you their pay stub, be suspicious. They may have taken a pay cut or gotten a pay raise without telling you. If they are getting paid more, they can save the extra in an account you don’t know about. If they have taken a cut you may be spending the same, not knowing your partner is not making the same amount of money. The debt could be adding up all without you knowing.
3. Lastly, if your partner is resisting sharing passwords and financial accounts, be suspicious. Most likely, there is something they are hiding.
Massaro also offers advice on what to do if you anticipate financial cheating going on. The first rule is to take it seriously. This is not a time to worry about hurting feelings. Being in debt is not an issue that will go away. It must be dealt with in a timely manner.
1. Insist that you both check your credit reports and share them openly with each other.
2. After you find the problem, it may be wise to hire a coach or mediator. Marital counseling may help at this time because financial cheating happens just like physical/emotional cheating; someone is not honest with themselves or their partner. That does not happen in a marriage that is healthy and transparent.
3. Set a rule from this point onward that all financial information, statements and passwords will be shared. That includes separate accounts and individual credit cards.
4. Take your time looking at tax returns and if money is missing, don’t dismiss it. Talk to your partner directly.
5. Having a monthly discussion about money on a planned night is always a wise decision. That keeps your money growing, and it also sets a vision for the marriage. Having a goal to work toward, whether it is a trip to Italy or building your dream home helps bond the marriage and also fosters unity in the marriage.
The best way not to be a victim of cheating financially, physically, or emotionally is to prevent it from ever happening. Monthly money talks prevent financial cheating if they are done jointly, openly and with a goal in mind that interests both parties. One-sided money talks are called lectures and usually the person who delivers them is the one cheating. –Mary Jo Rapini
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