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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – Most of us know someone who has been in love or has had an affair with someone at work. In fact a poll conducted by Glamour magazine and Lawyers.com stated that 41%of employed Americans ages 25 to 40 years have been engaged in an office romance; that’s close to half of us. With that many people engaging in an office romance one has to ask, “What are the benefits of falling in love with someone you work with?” The first reason is because you are with a pool of people who share your same interests. Secondly, you spend a lot of time with these people you work with and many times that doesn’t stop at work. Thirdly, you get to see these co-workers always dressed nice. They come to work looking well kept and you never have to see sloppy or unkempt. Lastly, you become intimate with your co-workers because you get to see them in all sorts of emotional states. You begin to form a bond with them. You learn about their families and possible spouses. They may also confide in you if they are happy at home and share other vulnerabilities which make you fee closer to them.
Some studies have supported that office romance bring beneficial affects to the work milieu. The staff seems more motivated to work harder and show up on time. This isn’t true with all office romances though and two in particular can destroy the group morale and the organizational effectiveness. The first of these is the (SPY) romance that has one participant directly reporting to another. The second is the (Rat Climber) one participant satisfies their personal /sexual needs in exchange for satisfying the other participants’ task related /and or career-related needs.
Most offices have policies about co-workers dating. Although this is rarely talked about you should pay attention to this part of your job contract. Not knowing the written and unwritten polices in regards to romantic, sexual extramarital or dating relationships is not an excuse if you get caught.
My best advice is this:
Dating a co-worker has a 50/50 chance of working out. Ask yourself is this person worth risking your job or seeing them every day after you break-up?
If you are in a relationship with a co-worker keep it private. People talk and if you give them ideas to talk about they will turn these into a book before you know it.
Keep public displays of affection to yourself at work. Both of you have to agree to this so no misunderstandings occur.
If you must work together talk about whether this is something you can do professionally. It takes more maturity to work with someone you care about intimately and continue to express an air of professionalism.
If you find out that the person you are having a relationship with is married it may be necessary to leave your job. This can get very messy and usually the more powerful one or the one who has the more influential job is not the one the institution will get rid of. Talking to Human Resources may help, but as in most cases if it was consensual and you knew what the situation was your job is not very secure.
Not sure you are in a relationship with a co-worker?
Here is a Workplace Romance Quiz by Ruth Houston.
Are you concealing information about your workplace friendship from your spouse or significant other?
Do you confide in your workplace friend now instead of your spouse?
Do you find yourself turning to your workplace friend for emotional support?
Is your workplace friend more fun to be with then your spouse?
Do you complain to your workplace friend about your spouse or your marriage?
Do you devote more time, attention or energy to your workplace friend than you devote to your spouse?
Do you concoct reason or create excuses to be wit your workplace friend?
Do you miss your workplace friend when you’re not together?
Do you find your workplace friend sexually attractive?
Do you use your workplace friend as a sounding board for your personal problems?
Do you fantasize about your workplace friend/
Would your spouse be upset to see how you interact with your workplace friend?
Would you be uncomfortable with the situation if your spouse or significant other had a similar workplace friendship with someone of the opposite sex?
According to Ruth Houston’s scoring if you answer more then 5 (yes) and especially a and i you are in a dangerous zone.
With sexual harassment and other work related romance issues the idea of falling in love with a colleague is often times surrounded with muddy waters and is not the best place to fall in love. Better suggestions involve the gym, classes involving hobbies or shared interests, tango nights offered throughout most cities, and/or single programs offered through your church.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine which completed season one and two. She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, Women’s Health, First, and Seventeen magazine. Mary Jo writes her own column (Note to Self) in the Houston Chronicle and “Ask Mary Jo” in Houston Family Magazine. She is an intimacy and sex counselor, and specializes in relationships. She is a popular speaker across the nation, with multiple repeat requests to serve as key-note speaker for national conferences. Her dynamic style is particularly engaging for those dealing with intimacy issues and relationship challenges, or those simply hanging on to unasked questions about sex in relationships. She was recently a major participant in a symposium for young girls dealing with body image and helping girls become strong women. Rapini is the author of Is God Pink? Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever. She has appeared on television programs including Montel, Fox Morning News and various Houston television and radio programs. Keep up with the latest advice at Mary Jo Rapini
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