Tips on Becoming Comfortable with Your Child’s Absence
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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – NEW YORK — Your high school graduate is off to college to embark on a newly independent life. But they’re not the only ones making a transition: parents, too, face emotional and lifestyle adjustments. With advice on empty-nest syndrome and how to handle the college transition, NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital physicians offer tips on how to overcome the sadness, helping your child become a financially responsible adult, and staying connected without overstepping limits.
“A lot of parents experience a sense of sadness or loss when their child goes away for college,” says Dr. Margo Benjamin, assistant attending child and adolescent psychiatrist at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital/Westchester Division and assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College. “It’s often helpful for parents to share their feelings with each other as well as talk with other parents who have gone through the same experience.”
“For your college-bound child, the goal is transitioning them into greater independence and responsibility. If you’re a so-called helicopter parent who micromanages your child’s life, now is the time to land,” says Dr. Karen Soren, director of adolescent health services at NewYork-Presbyterian Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital and associate clinical professor of pediatrics and public health at Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons. “Even before they go away, give your child more freedom, while your direct oversight is still possible.”
Drs. Benjamin and Soren offer more tips on making the college transition easier, including:
* Keep in touch, but don’t overdo it. When your child goes away to school, it may be an opportunity to develop a different kind of relationship. Recognize that their new independence is an important step.
* The Sunday night phone call is no longer the norm. Intermittent cell phone calls and e-mails are now common.
* Children appreciate a space of their own when they come home to visit. Parents often redecorate and reclaim some space, but ask your child first. See if you can give them another space to call their own.
* Educate yourself on the school’s policies toward drinking and other rules. Talk to your child about their responsibilities and their safety. Problems like binge drinking start as early as the first weeks of school.
* Talk to your child about money. Come to an understanding about who is paying for tuition, books, clothing, travel, phone, etc. Discuss whether they will take a part-time job or use a credit card (credit card companies aggressively market to college students).
* Read everything that the school sends you. Stay informed, and if there’s a parents’ visiting day, go.
* If parent or child has prolonged difficulty adjusting, they should seek professional evaluation.
For more information, visit www.nyp.org.
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