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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – In my practice I have seen a new phenomenon that is currently being studied. This phenomenon is “mate poaching”. It has long been suspected that men had a stronger tendency to go after other people’s partners. No one knew if that’s just because men have a tendency to brag about it more or because they are more upfront with this activity. Now new research reported from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology is finding some evidence that single women are more likely to be drawn to other people’s partners.
There are many theories floating around in regards to this phenomenon but one of the main theories is that women think all of the “good guys” are married. Women tend to equate good with being faithful and in a committed relationship. This seems to attract the single women and turn them on to the point of “poaching them”. In the study, women and men who were in a relationship already had little reaction when they were shown their perfect match (a computer generated like-minded, attractive person). They were indifferent as to whether the computer generated person was single or in a relationship. However, when single women were shown this same photo and match they reacted more aggressively when they found out the man was attached. When the (computer version) man was shown to the single women and described as unattached, 59% of the single women were interested in pursuing him. When that same computer generated man was shown to the single woman and they were told he was attached, 90% of the single women were interested in “poaching him”.
What does this say about women? It says several things, but none of them proven.
It could be that women want a man who is already tested. He has proved he is marriage material and they attribute positive qualities to that.
The women could have been from an abusive home where no one is stable and it is more important to have financial security than faithful love.
The women could feel they have to rescue the man.
The woman could have a deep seated intimacy issue.
No matter what the reason, it is disturbing to think that women would go after a husband or a lover of another woman. Men have an honor code. They don’t date a friends’ ex. How about women? Do we have an honor code? If we do, please let me know. I see women who are cheating with their friend’s husbands and lovers all the time. Let me know what you think of this study. I expect this study to get a lot of attention in the coming months.
For more information go to: Mary Jo Rapini
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine which completed season one and two. She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, Women’s Health, First, and Seventeen magazine. Mary Jo has a syndicated column (Note to Self) in the Houston Chronicle, is a contributing columnist to HealthNewsDigest.com and “Ask Mary Jo” in Houston Family Magazine. She is an intimacy and sex counselor, and specializes in empowering relationships. She has worked with the Pelvic restorative center at Methodist Hospital since 2007.
Mary Jo is a popular speaker across the nation, with multiple repeat requests to serve as key-note speaker for national conferences. Her dynamic style is particularly engaging for those dealing with intimacy issues and relationship challenges, or those simply hanging on to unasked questions about sex in relationships. She was recently a major participant in a symposium for young girls dealing with body image and helping girls become strong women. Rapini is the author of Is God Pink? Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever. She has appeared on television programs including Montel, Fox Morning News and various Houston television and radio programs. Keep up with the latest advice at http://maryjorapini.com
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