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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – You have been in a relationship for six to nine months and you are starting to see the little signs that this may not be Mr. Right. You don’t want to face the signs because you really like this guy. You already practiced using his last name and you are thinking of who your bridesmaids will be. Hold on…you better slow down. These “little signs” you are seeing may actually be giant red flags waving. If any of these flags are waving for you, it is time to investigate and don’t make any plans to walk down that isle just yet. This Mr. Right could be Mr. Wrong if you are married to him.
Your Mr. Right never invites you over. In the whole time you have dated this guy you don’t know where he lives or what his place looks like. This guy could have a family at home, but one thing is for sure—he doesn’t want you in his home. If you ask him and he gets defensive this is even more of a sure sign that he is hiding something.
Your Mr. Right loves hanging out with his buddies (maybe more than he likes hanging out with you). All guys should have a couple of guy friends, but if he needs to see them every week he is either really young or still running a frat house. Be careful. Guys who need the support of their buddies this badly are usually not emotionally ready to commit to wife or partner.
Your Mr. Right wants to move too fast. He just met you and is calling or texting several times a day. Maybe you are wonderful and beautiful, but this guy has no life and he is terrified of being on his own. You may find it flattering now, but how will you feel if he continues this into a possible marriage? Men like this have difficulty sharing you with your passions and they usually feel abandoned and neglected if you aren’t available all the time.
Your Mr. Right talks about his mother all the time. Okay, it’s usually a good sign when a guy likes his mom and gets along with her well, but not if she consumes his life. That will mean there will be little room for you. As an Italian, let me tell you this is common in our culture and in many Latin cultures. In fact, if “Momma” doesn’t like you, you may not make “the cut” to be with her son.
There are intimacy or sex problems. If your Mr. Right doesn’t have time for intimacy or seems to be too busy to love you this is a problem. He should desire you more now than at any time in your life. If he seems bored, preoccupied or too stressed, this is not going to get better after you are married.
Your Mr. Right talks bad about his ex, as if it were all her fault they broke up, you better run away now. This guy hasn’t learned anything from the relationship he had with his ex and chances are good that, if he breaks up with you, someone else will be hearing about how crazy you were too.
Your Mr. Right has had more than one job in the six to nine months you have known him you will want to ask about that. Especially if he blames people at work as to why he cannot get a promotion. Men like this may not have insight into their own work skills and may be angry people who employers try to weed out of the company rather than promote.
There are many flags to watch for when you are planning on becoming more serious with someone. These are a few that seem to get many women in trouble. The key is to never let yourself get so desperate that you become unaware of what this man is showing you. Men are usually very good at showing women who they are and women must become more comfortable with it instead of thinking they can change it. One of the most common scenarios in counseling is the man saying, “You knew I was like this. If you didn’t like it why did you marry me?” The woman will sheepishly say, “I thought I could change you”.
You cannot change someone, if their style doesn’t work for you, don’t fight with them—let them go.
For more information please go to: Mary Jo Rapini
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine which completed season one and two. She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, Women’s Health, First, and Seventeen magazine. Mary Jo has a syndicated column (Note to Self) in the Houston Chronicle, is a Love/Relationsips columnist to HealthNewsDigest.com and “Ask Mary Jo” in Houston Family Magazine. She is an intimacy and sex counselor, and specializes in empowering relationships. She has worked with the Pelvic restorative center at Methodist Hospital since 2007.
Mary Jo is a popular speaker across the nation, with multiple repeat requests to serve as key-note speaker for national conferences. Her dynamic style is particularly engaging for those dealing with intimacy issues and relationship challenges, or those simply hanging on to unasked questions about sex in relationships. She was recently a major participant in a symposium for young girls dealing with body image and helping girls become strong women. Rapini is the author of Is God Pink? Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever. She has appeared on television programs including Montel, Fox Morning News and various Houston television and radio programs. Keep up with the latest advice at http://maryjorapini.com
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