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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – According to an iVillage survey of 2000 women, ages 18 to 49 women, 77% of married women reported being somewhat to extremely happy with their sex life. However, 63% confessed they would rather sleep, watch a movie or read than have sex with their husband. 48% of these women rated their husband as their best sex partner ever. 81% rated their sex lives as predictable in some way, such as having sex the same night of the week, in the same position or in the same room of the house. However, this predictability, did not affect women’s happiness with their sex lives, especially for mothers of two or more children.
This survey also reported that 58% of the married women said they were in the mood for sex within the past seven days. One fourth of these women reported having sex one to three times a month, and 9% reported not having sex at all in the past year. What is incredible is that, although the women were not having sex frequently, they still rated their sex lives as happy and were continuing to fantasize about sex.
What is happening to women or making us turn to a book or movie instead of engaging in intimacy and sex with our husbands? Many women report they have become overwhelmed with the day to day living of taking care of small children, their employment, and the upkeep of the home. They report feeling so needed throughout the day that at night they only want to be alone and not touched. They reward themselves with alone time instead of turning to their mate for comfort and reassurance. Many women see their husbands as another person they have to take care of. If women rather be alone than with their husbands at the end of the day, what does that do to the marriage over several years? What does that say about the communication between a husband and wife? If the husband wants sex and the wife wants peace, how can both coexist and enjoy their sex lives? The survey makes reference that these 2000 women love their husbands and think they are great lovers. Yet, given the choice they choose the movie or the book most of the time.
A high divorce rate, stressful lives, and the availability of affairs make this survey one of importance. Couples need to talk about their sex lives. Many people get into a routine. They eat in front of the TV, wear old shirts and flannels to bed, read to the kids, stay up until the news, and then look at each other and say, “I’m beat. Let’s go to bed.” They don’t think about sex; they think about getting enough sleep.
Instead of a book or movie try these.
One day of the week should be designated to intimacy and sex. A marriage can withstand a loss of sex, but it cannot withstand a loss of intimacy and sex.
Touching, cuddling, kissing, massaging and sex are all part of the intimate connection between couples. Participating in these activities more will make your marriage more fun.
Ask your partner what her/his fantasies are, and make an effort to make those come true at least partially once a week.
If you find yourself getting lazy or bored, talk to your partner about it.
Much of a man’s identity is wrapped around his ability to please his partner. If he cannot please you or you seem disinterested, he will eventually shut down and be vulnerable to the first person who shows him attention. Women may do the same as men, unless, of course, there is a good book we have wanted to read. –Mary Jo Rapini
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine which completed season one and two. She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, Women’s Health, First, and Seventeen magazine. Mary Jo has a syndicated column (Note to Self) in the Houston Chronicle, is a Love/Relationships columnist to HealthNewsDigest.com and “Ask Mary Jo” in Houston Family Magazine. She is an intimacy and sex counselor, and specializes in empowering relationships. She has worked with the Pelvic restorative center at Methodist Hospital since 2007.
Mary Jo is a popular speaker across the nation, with multiple repeat requests to serve as key-note speaker for national conferences. Her dynamic style is particularly engaging for those dealing with intimacy issues and relationship challenges, or those simply hanging on to unasked questions about sex in relationships. She was recently a major participant in a symposium for young girls dealing with body image and helping girls become strong women. Rapini is the author of Is God Pink? Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever. She has appeared on television programs including Montel, Fox Morning News and various Houston television and radio programs. Keep up with the latest advice at http://maryjorapini.com
For more information go to: Mary Jo Rapini
Twitter Mary Jo: @maryjorapini
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