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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – It all began with my horoscope on Thursday morning. This is what it said: “It’s possible you could meet someone today, who will act as a kind of Pygmalion for you. You need to be surrounded and encouraged by people who believe in you, Mary Jo, and it is good for you to have one or several people around to support you. If you do meet this kind of person, don’t be a show off, and listen to what he or she has to say to you. It is for your own good.”
I waited all day for my Pygmalion, but they never surfaced. For those of you who have forgotten your Greek mythology, Pygmalion was a talented sculptor who carved an ivory statue of a maiden and fell in love with it. The statue came to life in response to his prayer by Aphrodite. Bernard Shaw’s musical classic My Fair Lady plays on this theme. Professor Henry Higgins tutors Eliza Doolittle, who is rough around the edges, making bets that he can turn her into a fine lady. She becomes the finest of ladies, but keeps her edginess and, after telling Professor Higgins where he can go, he falls in love. Apparently, it was not her beauty after all but her ability to stand up to him and speak her mind even though he was of higher status.
Men and women have very different expectations when they fall in love. Men will like what they see, feel attraction and then decide if it becomes serious or not. If it becomes serious, the man usually tells the woman “I love you, don’t change.” In fact when I talk to men at this point, they will usually tell me, “I fear most that she will change.” Of course she will change. It is the one constant. Most women don’t talk about that though, because we know he is afraid of change. Women on the other hand, are a bit more under-handed with what they say or feel when they fall in love. Their love, although they rarely will admit this, has conditions. These conditions make me believe that men really do understand the concept of love more than women. The reason I say this with no regret is because neither I, nor any woman I know who is honest, has ever loved a man without thinking how she will help him change. Women aren’t trying to be mean by wanting to change their man. They actually do it believing it will help him. For example, “Come to my hair dresser, yours is a butcher.” We know he can look so much more attractive. Or, “Why don’t you get your teeth straightened? You will look so handsome.” Our guys go along with it, because they want us to desire them, and they want to please us. Soon we dress them, feed them, and then we complain, “Why don’t you do more around the house?” “You are like one of the kids.” “I have to take care of three kids instead of two.” Soon we are griping about our worthless husband who cannot survive without us. We never reflect that maybe we created this, “Beautiful Statue.” It is at this point that many women fall out of love with their husband. I hear things like, “He has no personality,” or, “He doesn’t want to do anything but watch TV.” Women have created something that looks good, but they no longer desire it because they lost touch with the real man inside.
How can you stop being a statue and be the man you were born to be?
1. Go back to your old barber and get the haircut you feel best in. Just remember to ask the barber to cut those nose and ear hairs.
2. Your wife may have better taste in professional clothes or color matching, but when you are not working, wear what you want.
3. Drive the truck or car you want, if you can afford it.
4. Wear what you want when you are working in the yard or mowing the lawn.
5. Its okay to go to Denny’s for breakfast. You don’t need to go to the club just because that is what people of your financial backing do.
6. Once in awhile it’s okay to tell your wife, “No,” and follow it up with, “I love you, but we are not the same person.”
Women initiate the majority of divorces. Many times women cite their reasons as, “We grew apart.” You can prevent this if you grow together by not losing yourself. Saying, “I DO,” means, “I am a separate person than you, but I have chosen you to share my life.” It does not mean, “I will do everything you want, look the way you want, or talk the way you want.” Don’t ever let anyone turn you into a beautiful statue; stone is cold and lifeless.
Ladies, let’s be clear on this. Men can create statues too. If you are ever with someone who suggests you would look better with a nose job, breast job, tummy tuck…run. This man is looking for a statue. Insecure men derive their self esteem from having someone beautiful on their arm. Let him sculpt someone else. –Mary Jo Rapini
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Join me every Thursday Morning on “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” on Fox 26 at 9 a.m.
The first viewing of “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo” will air Wednesday night October 6, 2010 during the 9 p.m. nightly news on Fox 26. Tune in and watch what local Houstonians have to say about communicating with your partner.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine which completed season one and two. She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, Women’s Health, First, and Seventeen magazine. Mary Jo has a syndicated column (Note to Self) in the Houston Chronicle, is a Love/Relationships columnist to HealthNewsDigest.com and “Ask Mary Jo” in Houston Family Magazine. She is an intimacy and sex counselor, and specializes in empowering relationships. She has worked with the Pelvic restorative center at Methodist Hospital since 2007.
Mary Jo is a popular speaker across the nation, with multiple repeat requests to serve as key-note speaker for national conferences. Her dynamic style is particularly engaging for those dealing with intimacy issues and relationship challenges, or those simply hanging on to unasked questions about sex in relationships. She was recently a major participant in a symposium for young girls dealing with body image and helping girls become strong women. Rapini is the author of Is God Pink? Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever. She has appeared on television programs including Montel, Fox Morning News and various Houston television and radio programs. Keep up with the latest advice at http://maryjorapini.com
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