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(HealthNewsDigest.com) – With technology we are all connected all the time. We can skype, text and talk to people anywhere in the world. It is amazing that with all of this technology our relationships have not gotten smarter. In fact, we are still trying to date married people. Married people posing as possible dates on social networks are as common as pollen in the spring. Every week I hear at least one story from someone who believes they have found their soul mate in a married man or woman they met online. When you are infatuated with someone, they can lie to you more easily. The lust or infatuation hinders the ability to comprehend the truth. Your new soul mate will tell you all kinds of things. They may tell you they were living with someone, but never loved them. They may tell you they cannot leave someone due to their small children. There is a reason for every lie, and the lies are numerous.
There are ways you can tell if someone you met on line is married. The obvious one—looking for a ring—is not reliable, and it is difficult to look for a ring on Facebook or Skype. Here are a few more suggestions:
1. Google the person. Some of the information may be incorrect with Google, but there should be signs as to whether the person is married.
2. Ask yourself how available the person is. If they seem to have a complicated schedule and can only talk to you at strange times, this may be a sign.
3. If the person talks only about themselves, this is a warning sign that they may be married. People who are married are afraid of getting caught in a lie about their life. They aren’t planning on sharing you with their friends or family so they don’t talk about their friends or family in detail.
4. People who are married don’t mention their past. When they do, it isn’t consistent.
5. Many times people who are married will say they are separated or preparing for divorce while trying to date. Be careful in regards to this. There is no legal separation in Texas and many other states. If they are separated (many times they aren’t, but will tell you they are) they are still very much married.
The term soul mate was very popular several years ago. It is a seductive idea to think there is one special someone waiting for us. There are people who naturally connect with us, who we feel we have known for a long time and we are magnetically drawn to. Whether you call this person a soul mate or very attractive depends on what you are looking for. Many people who look for their soul mate are looking for that romantic connection. They think of themselves as half a person and, therefore, not complete without someone else. Believe me; you are whole as you are. If you find a person who recognizes your wholeness and is attracted to that, you have a much better chance of creating a healthy relationship.
A person who is married but wants to date is looking for a vulnerable partner they can latch onto. They prefer someone who is also lonely, perhaps in a bad relationship, who can help them alleviate their loneliness and make them feel better about themselves. You will never find your soul mate with her husband. You may, however, have an affair with a married man or woman. The chances of that affair leading to divorce of their current partner and marriage to you are slim. The chances are greater that you would be able to see this soul mate as a person who lied to both you and their spouse. One thing is for sure; if you marry the person you had an affair with, most of your conflict will resolve around jealousy and boundaries. If you marry them, and have a couple of kids with them, they may begin looking like your spouse while being someone else’s soul mate.–Mary Jo Rapini
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine which completed season one and two..She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, People magazine, Women’s Health, First, New York Daily News and Seventeen magazines. In 2010 Mary Jo will be a contributing expert for Redbook, People, and Self Magazine “Love and Relationship” section. Mary Jo is a “City Bright” writer for the Houston Chronicle, and is a contributing columnist to HealthNewsDigest.com,
For more information go to: MaryJoRapini
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @ Mary Jo Rapini
Join Mary Jo on Tuesday morning at 8a.m. with Maria Todd and Brad Booker on Mix 96.5.
http://khmx.radio.com/shows/mary-jo-rapini/
http://khmx.radio.com/2011/03/21/healthy-happy-hour-weight-issues-and-dating/
Join me every Thursday Morning on “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” on Fox 26 Houston at 9 a.m.
Join me every Friday Morning on Fox 26 Houston for “Healthy Happy Hour” and learn how to make your relationship healthier.
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